for Gardeners
Compiled by Michael P. Garofalo
The best way to garden is to put on a
wide-brimmed straw hat
and some old clothes. And with a hoe in one hand and a cold
drink in the other, tell somebody else where to dig.
- Texas Bix Bender, Don't Throw in the
Trowel
Why do potatoes make good detectives?
Because they keep their eyes peeled.
My wife's a water sign. I'm an
earth sign.
Together we make mud.
- Rodney Dangerfield
What do you get if you divide the
circumference
of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin pi.
How do you lead a horse to water?
With lots of carrots.
I do not like broccoli. And I haven't
liked it since I was a little kid
and my mother made me eat it. And I'm President of the United
States and I'm not going to eat any more broccoli.
- George Bush, U.S. President, 1990
Why do cowboys always die with their
boots on?
So they won't stub their toes when they kick the bucket.
Vegetables - Quotes for Gardeners
What do you call a stolen yam?
A hot potato.
A weed is a plant that has mastered
every survival skill
except for learning how to grow in rows.
- Doug Larson
Everyone has these on their face?
Tulips
I have no plants in my house. They
won't live for me.
Some of them don't even wait to die, they commit suicide.
- Jerry Seinfeld
Why did the horse go behind the tree?
To change his jockeys.
What vegetable can tie your
stomach in knots?
String beans.
What did the carrot say to the wheat?
Lettuce rest, I'm feeling beet.
- Shel Silverstein
The four seasons are salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
A farmer purchased an old, run-down, abandoned farm
with plans to turn it into a thriving enterprise. The fields
were grown over with weeds, the farmhouse was falling apart, and the fences were broken
down. During his first
day of work, the town preacher stops by to bless the man's work, saying, "May you and
God work together to make
this the farm of your dreams!" A few months later, the preacher stops by
again to call on the farmer. Lo and behold,
it's a completely different place. The farm house is completely rebuilt and in
excellent condition, there is plenty
of cattle and other livestock happily munching on feed in well-fenced pens, and the fields
are filled with crops planted
in neat rows. "Amazing!" the preacher says. "Look what God and you
have accomplished together!"
"Yes, reverend," says the farmer, "but remember what the farm was like when
God was working it alone!"
God made rainy days, so gardeners
could get the housework done.
My mother's menu consisted of two
choices:
Take it or leave it.
- Buddy Hackett
What kind of socks does a gardener wear?
Garden hose.
Why are husbands like lawn
mowers?
They are difficult to get started, emit foul smells,
and don't work half the time.
- Author Unknown
What a man needs in gardening is a
cast-iron back, with a hinge in it.
- Charles Dudley Warner
What do you call two young
married spiders?
Newly webs.
What does the letter "A"
have in common with a flower?
They both have bees coming after them.
- Kim Roblin
How do you compare apples and
oranges?
By their nutritional value.
- Marshall Elizer
Flowers - Quotes for Gardeners
Hard work doesn't harm anyone,
but I do not want to take any chances.
- Author Unknown
What was green and a great trick
shooter?
Annie Okra
Bulb: potential flower buried in
Autumn, never to be seen again.
- Henry Beard
Every garden is unique with a
multitude of choices in soils,
plants and themes. Finding your garden theme is as easy
as seeing what brings a smile to your face.
- Teresa Watkins, Gardening With Soul
Gardening requires lots of water -
most of it in the form of perspiration.
- Lou Erickson
"No man in the world has more
courage than the man
who can stop after eating one peanut."
- Channing Pollack
What gets bigger the more you take away?
A hole.
If April showers bring May flowers,
what do May flowers bring?
Pilgrims.
Remember that gophers also need to make a living;
preferably in somebody else's garden.
When all the chores are done, the avid gardener will invent new ones.
Your dog will always shit near your favorite garden seat.
Knee: a device for finding rocks in your garden.
Gardening is a Sport. Hoe for It!
Never underestimate the power of those that like things neat and tidy.
I once read about the dangers of gardening,
so I quit reading for two weeks.
If you need five tools to solve a problem in the garden,
four of them will be easy to
find.
- Mike Garofalo, Pulling
Onions
Why is a barn so noisy?
All the cows have horns.
Botanists have
developed a vegetable that eliminates
the need to brush your teeth.
Bristle sprouts.
The real meaning of plant catalog terminology:
"A favorite of birds" means to avoid planting near cars, sidewalks, or clotheslines.
"Grows more beautiful each year" means "Looks like roadkill for the foreseeable future."
"Zone 5 with protection" is a variation on the phrase "Russian roulette."
"May require support" means your daughter's engineering degree will finally pay off.
"Moisture-loving" plants are ideal for landscaping all your bogs and swamps.
"Carefree" refers more to the plant's attitude than to your workload.
"Vigorous" is code for "has a Napoleonic compulsion to take over the world."
"Grandma's Favorite" -- until she discovered free-flowering, disease-resistant hybrids.
What did the banana do when it saw
the monkeys?
Split.
Fruits and Nuts - Quotes for Gardeners
A woman's garden is growing beautifully but the darn
tomatoes won't ripen. There's a limit to the number of uses for green tomatoes and
she's getting tired of it. So she goes to her neighbor and says, "Your tomatoes
are ripe, mine are green. What can I do about it?'' Her neighbor replies,
"Well, it may sound absurd but here's what to do. Tonight there's no moon. After dark
go out into your garden and take all your clothes off. Tomatoes can see in the dark
and they'll be embarrassed and
blush. In the morning they'll all be red, you'll see.'' Well, what the heck?
She does it. The next day her neighbor asks
how it worked. "So-so,'' she answers, "The tomatoes are still green
but the cucumbers are all four inches longer.''
What is a Honeymoon Salad?
Lettuce alone, with no dressing.
A man should never
plant a garden larger
than his wife can take care of.
- T.H. Everett
A Veggie New Age Song:
Peas would rule the planets,
and love would clear the bars.
It was the dawning of the Age of Asparagus.
Like a prune, you are not getting any
better looking, but you are getting sweeter.
- N. D. Stice
You can lead a horticulture but you can't
make her think.
- Dorothy Parker
My wife said that if I buy any more
plants he would leave me.
Damn! I'm going to miss that woman.
Grow your own dope, plant a man.
If a man is alone in the garden and
speaks,
and there is no woman to hear him,
is he still wrong?
Yup, gardening and laughing are two
of the best things in life
you can do to promote good health and a sense of well being."
- David Hobson, The
Mad Gardener
I think, therefore I Yam.
- Ratbert
Have you heard
of the garlic diet?
You don't lose much weight, but from a distance
your friends think you look thinner.
I bought an ant farm. I don't know
where I am
going to get a tractor that small!
- Steven Wright
What what can you make from baked beans and
onions?
Tear gas.
The History of Gardening: From Ancient Times to the 20th Century
What do you call a grumpy and short
tempered gardener?
A SnapDragon.
[Karen, my wife, answered "Mike!"]
Life expectancy would grow by leaps and
bounds if
green vegetables smelled as good as bacon.
- Doug Larson
I have a rock garden. Last week
three of them died.
- Richard Diran
What kind of flowers do you give to King
Tut?
Chrysanthemummies.
I'm Charley's aunt from Brazil -
where the nuts come from.
- Brandon Thomas
Definitions
Boy: Noise with dust on it.
Chickens: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
Dust: Mud with the juice squeezed out.
Mosquito: An insect that makes you like flies better.
Raisin: A grape with a sunburn.
Chemicals: Noxious substances from which modern foods are made.
Questions
What would we have called the color orange if it wasn't a fruit?
Why does cleave mean both split apart and stick together?
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
If corn oil comes from corn, what does baby oil come from?
A perfect summer day is when the sun
is shining,
the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing,
and the lawn mower is broken.
- James Dent
Where did the vegetables go to have a
few drinks?
The Salad Bar.
What do you call a mushroom who buys
everyone drinks and is the life of the party?
A fun-gi.
Why don't you ever iron a four-leaf
clover?
You might press your luck.
- Elaine Valvezan
What lives in winter, dies in summer,
and grows with its root upward?
An icicle.
Wanted: Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
Heart Beet
Do you carrot at all for me?
My heart beets for you,
With your turnip nose
And your radish face.
You are a peach.
If we cantaloupe,
Lettuce marry.
Weed make a swell pear.
A Rocket in My Pocket: Rhymes and Chants of Young Americans
After all is said and done, a hell of
a lot more is said than done.
- Murphy's
Laws
People are like Potatoes!
Some people never seem motivated to participate, but are content to
watch others ...
They are called "Speck Tators."
Some are always looking to cause problems and really get under your
skin ...
They are called "Aggie Tators."
There are those who are always saying they will, but somehow, they
never get around to doing ...
We call them "Hezzie Tators."
- From the
laughalot-owner on the Net
Some folks spent a lot of time sitting and peering into their
garden ...
They are called "Medi Tators."
There are those that try to maximize their crop yields while reducing
expenses ...
We call them "Compu Tators."
- Mike Garofalo
I guess cows aren't into the four
food groups,
especially when they are two of them.
- Anthony Clark
What do you call it when worms take over the
world?
Global Worming.
There's one good thing about snow, it makes
your lawn look as nice as your neighbor's.
- Clyde Moore
You Might be a Redneck Gardener If:
You mow your lawn and find a wheelbarrow.
A half moon reminds you of your fat husband pulling weeds.
You think a chain saw is a musical instrument.
You move your refrigerator and the grass underneath it is yellow.
Kudzu covers your arbor.
You don't water your front yard rather than mow it.
You know how many bags of fertilizer your car can hold.
You've ever cleaned your house with a leaf blower.
You empty the trash when you have enough to fill up the pickup.
You can amuse yourself for more that an hour with a hose.
You've been cited for reckless driving on a riding lawn mower.
You move your weed-eater to take a bath.
- Culled and Revised by Mike Garofalo
When did my wild oats turn to prunes and all
bran?
- Lucy Parker
What kind of tree has hands?
A palm tree.
What do you call a cow who works for
a gardener?
A lawn moo-er.
A Riddle:
There was a green house.
Inside the green house there was a white house
Inside the white house there was a red house.
Inside the red house there were lots of babies.
Answer: A Watermelon.
Botany I - Some Wrong Answers
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.
Women are like fine wine. They all start out
fresh, fruity and
intoxicating to the mind and then turn full-bodied with age until
they go all sour and vinegary and give you a headache.
- Male Author Unknown
I always thought a yard was three feet,
then I started mowing the lawn.
- C.E. Cowman
What vegetable might you find in your
basement?
Cellar-y.
- Emily Kianka
What is green and goes to a summer camp?
A Brussels' scout.
What do you get when you cross a canary and a
lawn mower?
Shredded tweet.
Why did the tomato turn red?
Because it saw the salad dressing.
Of all the wonders of nature, a tree
in summer
is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible
exception of a moose singing "Embraceable You" in spats.
- Woody Allen
What kind of flowers grow in outer
space?
Ipomoea alba, Helianthus annuus, Pentas lanceolata, and Cosmos
[Moonflowers, Sunflowers, Star Clusters, Cosmos]
Do you want to hear a gruesome story?
A farmer planted a pumpkin seed.
He watered it and cared for it very well,
and soon it grew some, and grew some ....
When I asked you to water the plants,
I did not expect you'd unzip your pants.
- Mike Garofalo, Cuttings - July
What do you get if you cross a four leaf
clover with poison ivy?
A rash of good luck.
March isn't the only thing that's in like a
lion and out like a lamb.
- Probably May West
Cloud Hands: Tai Chi Chuan and Qigong
If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
A man should never
plant a garden larger than his wife can take care of.
- T.H. Everett
A man walks into a flower shop
"I'd like some flowers please."
"Certainly, Sir. What did you have in mind?"
He shrugs "Well I'm not sure, I uh, I uh, I uh..."
"Perhaps I could help. What exactly have you done?"
I was a vegetarian until I started leaning
towards sunlight.
- Rita Rudner
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Honeydew!
Honeydew who?
Honeydew you want to come out tonight?
Door: What a dog is perpetually on
the wrong side of.
- Ogden Nash
Our national flower is the concrete
cloverleaf.
- Lewis Mumford
Crabgrass can grow on bowling balls in
airless rooms, and there is no known way
to kill it that does not involve nuclear weapons.
- Dave Barry
Checking the menu, a restaurant
customer ordered a bowl of vegetable
soup. After a couple of spoonfuls, he saw a circle of wetness right
under
the bowl on the tablecloth. He called the waitress over and said,
"It's all
wet down here. The bowl must be cracked." The waitress said,
"You
ordered vegetable soup, maybe it has a leek in it."
Farmers are real experts,
they are often outstanding in their fields.
It has been so dry this week,
the trees are whistling for the dogs.
What is the difference between boogers and
spinach?
You can't get your kids to eat spinach.
Don't force it; get a larger hammer.
Anthony's Law of Force
My
mother-in-law grows a great patch of potatoes. In fact, to
get them off to a good start, she plants each seed potato in a
small paper bag. It keeps the dirt out of their eyes.
Slogans, Sayings, Quips, One-Liners,
Signs, Bumper Stickers
For Gardeners
What do you call it when someone
commits murder with an apple?
Malus Aforethought!
The philosopher who said that work
well done never needs doing over
never weeded a garden.
- Ray D. Everson
What vegetable do you need a plumber
for?
A Leek.
What insect is musical?
A humbug.
Hoeing: A manual method of severing
roots from stems
of newly planted flowers and vegetables.
- Henry Beard
Cabbage always has a heart;
Green beans string along.
You're such a Tomato,
Will you Peas to me belong?
You've been the Apple of my eye,
You know how much I care;
So Lettuce get together,
We'd make a perfect Pear.
Now, something's sure to Turnip,
To prove you can't be Beet;
So, if you Carrot all for me
Let's let our Tulips meet.
Don't Squash my hopes and dreams now,
Bee my Honey, dear;
Or tears will fill Potato's eyes,
While Sweet Corn lends an ear.
I'll Cauliflower shop and say
Your dreams are Parsley mine.
I'll work and share my Celery,
So be my Valentine.
What runs but never gets tired?
Water.
If, instead of talking to your plants, you
yelled at them,
would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?
Vegetarians - nothing wrong with vegetarians.
Some of my best friends are vegetarians.
Admittedly, they're also quadrupeds....
- Peter Anderton
Belladonna: In Italian, a beautiful lady; in English, a deadly
poison.
- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary
A new business was opening
and one of the owner's friends wanted to send
him flowers for the occasion. The flowers arrived at the new business site and
the owner read the card: "Rest in Peace."
The owner was annoyed, and called to complain."Sir, I'm really
sorry for the
mistake, and sorry you were offended," said the florist. "But even worse,
somewhere
there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying,
"Congratulations on your new location."
Flower Jokes
What do you call a country where the
people drive only pink cars?
A pink carnation.
Your nose is the scenter of your face.
Like a welcome summer rain, humor may
suddenly
cleanse and cool the earth, the air and you.
- Langston Hughes
Men are like a fine wine. They
all start out like
grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and
keep them in the dark until they mature into
something you'd want to have dinner with.
- Female Author Unknown
Your first job is to prepare the
soil. The best tool for this is your neighbor's
motorized garden tiller. If your neighbor does not own a garden tiller,
suggest that he buy one.
- Dave Barry
Even if the farmer intends to loaf,
he gets up in time to get an early start.
--E.W. Howe
Gardening Palindromes
Mister owl ate my metal worm.
What did Santa Claus say when he walked
through a garden?
Hoe! Hoe! Hoe!
Research tells us fourteen out of any
ten individuals likes chocolate.
- Sandra Boynton
Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
When the going gets tough, the tough get growin'.
When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
Every calendar's days are numbered.
By the time you find greener pastures, you can't climb over the fence.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
What is small,
red and whispers?
A hoarse radish.
More Quotes
for
Gardeners
Spirituality and Concerns of the Soul
Simplicity and the Simple Life
Pulling Onions: The Maxims of Gardening
By Michael P. Garofalo
Haiku Poetry - Links and Bibliography
Cliches for Gardeners and Farmers
The History of Gardening Timeline
From Ancient Times to the 20th Century
Short Poems and Haiku by Michael P. Garofalo
Awards and Recognition for this Web Site
The Mental and Spiritual Aspects of
Gardening:
Bibliography and Resources
Search Tips and Advanced Atomz Searching
Quotes for Gardeners
Quotes, Sayings, Proverbs, Poetry, Maxims, Quips,
Cliches, Adages, Wisdom
A Collection Growing to Over 2,000 Quotes, Arranged by 105 Topics
Many of the Documents Include Recommended Readings and Internet Links.
Compiled by Michael P. Garofalo
Links and References
The Art of the Bonsai Potato Kit: Zen - Without the Wait. By Jeffrey E. Fitzsimmons, Jim Linna, and Mike Dillon. Bottled Lightning Inc., 1998. 63 pages. ISBN: 0966474147.
Beds I Have Known: Confessions of a Passionate Amateur
Gardener. By Martha Smith. Moyer Bell Ltd., 1997.
2nd Edition. 320 pages. ISBN: 1559211938.
The Beetless' Gardening Book: An Organic Gardening
Songbook/Guidebook: Containing the Poetry of Jam Lemon, Pear Machete, Joychoi Heirloom,
and Rutabaga Variety. Edited by Chris Roth and Alan
Kapuler. Carrotseed Press, 1997. 112 pages. ISBN: 0965709027.
Blackthumb Bob's
Gardening Tips and Humor
Boulder Vegetable Rights Association
Wonderful satire!
The Complete Murphy's Law: A Definitive Collection.
By Arthur Bloch. 1991.
Country-Fried Bull.
Features jokes, humorous poems, funny articles and stories about cowboys,
farm life, country living, and small town life.
The
Devil's Dictionary. (Plain text version.) By Ambrose
Bierce, 1911. A webpage version.
Don't Throw in the Trowel: Tips and Quips on Gardening.
By Texas Bix Bender. Gibbs-Smith, 1997. 128 pages. ISBN: 0879057351.
Farm Boy Fresh Market
Farm Boy's Favorite Jokes
From the Ground Up by Amy Stewart
Gardening
Jokes: A Gardener's Paradise
Garden Humor
The Mad Gardener: David Hobson. "To boldly grow where no one has groan
before!" Lots of interesting information, journal, bug humor, links, and good
fun at this site.
Gardening
in Central California By Teman Johnson of Merced
The Germinator: Farming
Jokes and Quotes
Green Prints: "The Weeder's
Digest."
How to Tell the Birds
from the Flowers
Is Martha Stewart Living: A Parody.
By Tom Connor. HarperCollins, 1995. 64 pages. ISBN:
0060951826.
Ketzel Levine's Talking Plants
Louise's
Collection of Garden Quotes Some very nice quips and humorous sayings by
Louise.
Magazines
of Humor, Jokes and Satire. Save from 20% to 60%.
Manure Happens.
By Vilma Volk.
Martha
Stewart's December Calendar
Martha Stewart
Disease By Donna Lypchuck. Home and gardening excesses - loved the
braided font lawn.
The Maxims of Gardening. By Mike
Garofalo.
Murphy's Laws ...
and many other humorous corollaries and Interdisciplinary Laws.
Murphy's
Laws The Yahoo Index
The Official Rules at Work: The Principles, Maxims, and Instructions
that Define Your Life on the Job. By Paul Dickson. Walker
and Company, 1996. 120 pages. ISBN: 0802713173.
On Stagnant Pond Garden art:
The Pink Flamingo for every garden and pond.
Quotes for Gardeners A collection growing to over 2,700 quotes arranged by over
130 topics.
A Sense of Humus:
A Bedside Book of Garden Humour. By Diana Anthony.
Smyth & Hawk'Em : A Gardening Parody. By Tom
Connor and Jim Downey. Harper Collins, 1997. 61 pages. ISBN:
0060952393.
Soiled Reputations By
David Hobson
The Sparrowglass Papers; or, Living in the Country.
By Frederick S. Cozzen. 1856. An urbanite moves to the
country.
Tools of the Earth: The Practice and Pleasures of Gardening. By
Jeff Taylor. Photographs by Rich Iwasaki. Chronicle Books, 1998. 176
pages. ISBN: 0811819094. Humorous and telling observations
about the tools in our backyards: wheelbarrows, hoes, spades, auger, hammock, etc..
Buy
this Book Today!
Vegetable Humor.
Good for a hearty laugh! University of California at Davis.
Weather Lore and Weather Cliches
Weather Lore and Weather Cliches
Why is a Cucumber
Better than a Man? Adult humor.
Quotes for Gardeners
Quotes, Sayings, Proverbs, Poetry, Maxims, Quips,
Cliches, Adages, Wisdom
A Collection Growing to Over 2,000 Quotes, Arranged by 105 Topics
Many of the Documents Include Recommended Readings and Internet Links.
Compiled by Michael P. Garofalo
Distributed on the Internet by Michael P. Garofalo
I Welcome Your Comments, Ideas,
Contributions, and Suggestions
E-mail Mike Garofalo in Red Bluff, California
A Short Biography of Mike Garofalo
Jokes, Riddles, and Humor for Gardeners. Version
4.7
The History of Gardening Timeline
Cloud Hands: Taijiquan and Qigong
Alphabetical Subject Index
Cloud
Hands Website
Taijiquan, Qigong, Taoism, Classics,
Weapons: Sword and Staff
Fitness and Well Being Website
Gardening, Meditation,
Walking, Yoga, Strength Training,
Fitness for Older Persons, Aerobics, Relaxation
The Spirit of Gardening
2,700 Quotes Arranged by 130 Topics,
History, Guides,
Psycho-Spiritual Aspects of Gardening
Web Guides, Bibliographies, Links, Directories, Quotes, Notes
Alphabetical Subject Index
Alphabetical Subject Index to the Cloud Hands Website
Ancient Goddesses - Quotations, Poems, Sayings, Prayers, Songs
Animal Frolics (Wu Qin Xi): Tiger, Bear, Crane, Deer, and Monkey
Arthritis Therapy - Exercise: T'ai Chi Ch'uan and Chi Kung
Bear, Standing Bear, Level 1 Ranking, Valley Spirit Taijiquan
The Bear: The Five Animal Frolics (Wu Qin Xi)
Bird - Five Animal Frolics (Wu Qin Xi)
California (Northern) T'ai Chi Ch'uan and Qigong Directory: Instructors, Schools, Information
Charkas (Energy Centers of the Subtle Body)
Ch'i Kung: Bibliography and Links
Ch'i Kung Instructor: Michael P. Garofalo in Red Bluff, California
Classes, Valley Spirit Taijiquan, Instructional Program
Cloud Hands: T'ai Chi Ch'uan and Ch'i Kung
Cloud Hands T'ai Chi Ch'uan Journal
Cold Mountain Poets: Wanderers, Mystics, and Sages
Confucius (K'ung Fu-tzu) (551 - 479 BCE)
Crane - Bird - Five Animal Frolics (Wu Qin Xi)
Crane, Soaring Crane, Intermediate Program, Level 3, Valley Spirit T'ai Chi Ch'uan
Cuttings: Short Poems by Michael P. Garofalo
The Deer: The Five Animal Frolics (Wu Qin Xi)
Diabetes Therapy - Exercise: Taijiquan and Qigong
Disclaimer of the Cloud Hands Website
Eight Section Brocade Ch'i Kung
Embrace the One - Zhan Zhuang - Standing Like A Tree
Entering Tranquility (Ru Jing) Meditation
Exercise - Diabetes Therapy - Taijiquan and Qigong
Feedback, Kudos and Reviews for the Cloud Hand's Website
Five Animal Frolics (Wu Qin Xi): Tiger, Bear, Crane, Deer, and Monkey
Five Elements (Wu-Xing) and Taijiquan
Five Stepping Movements of Taijiquan
Gardening: Quotes, Poems, History, Sayings
The Four Gates: Grasping the Sparrow's Tail
Michael P. Garofalo's Biography
Michael P. Garofalo's T'ai Chi Ch'uan and Qigong Practice
The Goddess - Quotations, Poems, Sayings, Prayers, Songs
Goose - Bird - Five Animal Frolics (Wu Qin Xi)
Green Way Research - Taijiquan and Qigong
Gu Shen (Valley Spirit) Taijiquan Instructional Program
Health and Fitness - T'ai Chi Ch'uan
Hidden Tiger, Beginning Program, Level 2, Valley Spirit T'ai Chi Ch'uan
Index to the Cloud Hands Website
Instructional Program, Valley Spirit T'ai Chi Ch'uan
Kundalini (Coiled Serpent) Energy
Kwang Ping Taijiquan of Kuo Lien Ying
Links and Bibliography: Qigong
Links and Bibliography: Taijiquan
Long Form 108 Yang Style Taijiquan
Master Chang San-Feng (circa 1350)
Master Cheng Man-Ch'ing (1901 - 1975)
Mastery, Self Control, Self Mastery, Choices, Will Power, Strength of Character
Meditation Instructor: Michael P. Garofalo in Red Bluff, California
Meditation Methods and Techniques
Meditation - Standing Like A Tree
Meditation - Wu Ji - The Edge of Emptiness
Michael P. Garofalo's T'ai Chi Ch'uan and Qigong Practice
Months of the Year: Quotes, Poems, Links
Moving Hands Like Clouds: T'ai Chi Ch'uan and Qigong
Northern California T'ai Chi Ch'uan and Qigong Directory: Instructors, Schools, Information
Nine Movement Temple Ch'i Kung Exercise Set
Older Persons Exercise and Well Being Programs
Oregon T'ai Chi Ch'uan and Qigong Directory: Instructors, Schools, Information
Original Waving Hands Like Clouds URL
Pranayama: Breathing Techniques from Yoga
Private Instruction by Michael P. Garofalo, Instructional Programs
Qigong: Bibliography and Links
Qigong Instructor: Michael P. Garofalo in Red Bluff, California
Red Bluff, Valley Spirit Taijiquan Instructional Program
Reviews of the Cloud Hand's Website
Self Control, Self Mastery, Choices, Will Power
Senior Citizens Fitness Programs
Sensing Hands: Push Hands - T'ui Shou
Shoong, Sung, Song - Loose, Relaxed, Open, Yielding, Responsive
Short Form, Yang Style, Beijing Simplified 24
Simplified 24 From, Yang Style
Soaring Crane, Intermediate Program, Level 3, Valley Spirit T'ai Chi Ch'uan
Speaking to the Spirit Meditation
Staff Weapons: Jo, Bo, Can, Staff, Spear
Standing Bear, Level 1 Ranking, Valley Spirit Taijiquan
Standing Like A Tree - Zhan Zhuang
Stork - Bird - Five Animal Frolics
Subject Index to the Cloud Hands Website
Swordsmanship and T'ai Chi Ch'uan
T'ai Chi Ch'uan: Bibliography and Links
T'ai
Chi Ch'uan and Qigong Directory: Instructors, Schools, Information, Workshops
Northern California,
Oregon, Washington, and British Columbia
T'ai Chi Ch'uan Instructor: Michael P. Garofalo in Red Bluff, California
T'ai Chi Ch'uan, Red Bluff, CA
T'ai Chi Ch'uan Short Form, Beijing Simplified 24, Yang Style
T'ai Chi Ch'uan: Links and Bibliography
Taijiquan: Bibliography and Links
Taijiquan For Good Health, Fitness and Vitality
Taijiquan Instructor: Michael P. Garofalo in Red Bluff, California
Taoism, Nature Mysticism, Alchemy
Temple Qigong - A Nine Movement Exercise Set
Thirteen Postures: 8 Gates and 5 Steps
Thirteen Treasures Walking Qigong
The 300 Missing Poems of Han Shan
The Tiger: The Five Animal Frolics (Wu Qin Xi)
Tiger, Hidden Tiger, Beginning Program, Level 2, Valley Spirit T'ai Chi Ch'uan
Tree Qigong - Zhan Zhuang - Standing Like A Tree
Trees - Quotations, Poems, Lore, Wisdom
Valley Spirit T'ai Chi Ch'uan Club
Valley Spirit Taijiquan Journal
Valley Spirit Taijiquan Instructional Program
Vancouver, B.C., T'ai Chi Ch'uan and Qigong Directory: Instructors, Schools
Walking - General Fitness Exercise
Washington T'ai Chi Ch'uan and Qigong Directory: Instructors, Schools, Information
Waving Hands Like Clouds: T'ai Chi Ch'uan and Qigong
Will Power, Self Control, Self Mastery, Choices, Strength of Character
Yang Style Taijiquan Long Form 108 Movements
Yang Style Taijiquan Short Form 24 Movements
Yin-Yang Sensitivity Training: Sticking Hands - T'ui Shou
Zhan Zhuang - Standing Like A Tree
Valley Spirit T'ai Chi Ch'uan Club
Red Bluff, Tehama County, North Sacramento Valley, Northern California, U.S.A.
Cities and small towns in the area: Oroville, Paradise, Durham, Chico, Hamilton
City,
Corning, Rancho Tehama, Los Molinos, Tehama, Proberta, Gerber, Manton,
Cottonwood,
Anderson, Shasta Lake, Palo Cedro, Igo, Ono, Redding, Shasta, Colusa, Willows,
Fall River, Montgomery Creek, Alturas, McCloud, Dunsmuir, Yreka, Happy Camp,
Shingletown, Burney, Mt. Shasta City, Weaverville, Williams, Chester, Orland,
Susanville, Weed, Gridley, Marysville, Yuba City, CA, California.
June 17, 2004
Cloud Hands: T'ai Chi Ch'uan and Ch'i Kung